No Goals!

What freedom. It never occurred to me to have no goals. I have always had goals. As a school girl my goal had been to get straight A’s. I would lay in bed before falling asleep and say “I will have straight A’s” over and over again. Although my grades were good, I didn’t always get straight A’s. Every B, even the hard earned B in biology, felt like a failure. It got to the point when, if I got an A-, all I could think of was the minus!

One night, a few years after I finished school, I remember lying in bed and saying “I will have straight A’s” and suddenly realizing that I needed new goals. I did not enjoy the accomplishment of getting mostly straight A’s. I immediately went to setting new goals. I set big goals and I continued to fall short. I did not make my first million by 30, I did not even own a home by then. I did not go back to college. My first marriage failed. By the time I was 35 all I could see was a series of failures.

Then I learned about setting realistic goals. Lose five pounds by June. I could do that. I could also put that five pounds back on by Christmas, with an added ten pound bonus. The realistic goals had no power in making me feel good about myself, they also added up to a series of failures.

When I started my real estate career I was taught to set goals again. This time I was told how to break them down into manageable chunks. If you want to sell ten homes in a specified period of time, you need to make a hundred phone calls and get twenty appointments. If you do the work, you can accomplish your goal. Sometimes I could make the calls and get the appointments, sometimes I could sell ten homes – other times it just didn’t work out. I must be doing something wrong, another series of failures.

Half way through my real estate career I found a business coach. He taught me to set goals in all areas of my life, not just in business but in my personal life, my family life, my spiritual life, and my financial life. He taught me steps for each goal, to break it down. Great – now I had five areas in which to fall short. Five areas to see that series of failures.

I didn’t pay off my house, I owe more on it now than what I paid for it 16 years ago. I didn’t finish the book or live in Europe for a year and I don’t have less than 20% body fat. My coach said I shouldn’t worry, just reset my goals, my timing must be off. Keep working on the steps towards the goal. I reset my goals year after year and year after year I fell short. By the time I left real estate, my life was a series of failures.

Setting goals had given me the habit of living in the future. Success, happiness, and my self-worth was tied to my goals. I could not allow myself to be content until those goals were accomplished. Every goal that didn’t get accomplished was one more proof of my failure.

Yesterday I had a job interview. One of the questions he asked me was “what are your goals?” At that moment, I had an epiphany. I told him I was unsure of my goals and was going to let life unfold for the time being. He smiled.

A peace has come over me that I never expected. I have not paid off the house or finished my book. It’s okay. I had my eye on a prize that wasn’t mine, a goal. I live in my house, that’s good enough. I write every day, that’s good enough. I have plenty of love in my life, more than most people dream of having, that’s good enough. Instead of a goal, today I make a choice. To live in the moment. The series of failures has ended.