Christmas Letter

If I had written a Christmas letter for 2014, which I didn’t, I would have had to start with events at the end of 2013. Our daughter was nominated to be a student ambassador for People to People. As a senior in high school, she left for Christmas break to teach English, build outhouses, and complete other service work in rural schools across India. She went to Delhi, Agra, and Jaipur as well as neighboring countryside villages. She rode an elephant, a camel, saw the Taj Mahal, the Red Fort, and many other sacred and historical sites. She left home as a wonderful teenager and came home as an insightful and amazing adult.

On January 3, 2014, while Abby was still in India making a life change, I made a life change as well. After 25 years as a real estate agent, I left my career to pursue other paths. Although I knew it was time for me to make a change, I had been holding on just “one more year” for several years in a row. My broker, an intuitive woman who has had many health challenges, saw that my health was being compromised. She gently showed me that my “one more year” may be my last year. I knew as she spoke, it was time to stop. I did not know what the new path would be but I trusted it would come to me. Her husband and co-broker set up a referral network so that I could receive a residual income from past clients, and I stopped being a real estate agent.

A few days later we headed to Sausalito for my step-mother’s wedding – it was great to see her so happy. My dad had been her soul mate and constant companion for so long and yet Hank, her new husband, fills a special spot. There is no reason to compare, they are totally different, but each is the right one for the time in her life. It was fun to be with family and laugh like we always do.

I promised myself a month off and then it was time to get a job. That month passed and Julie Castelain, the Rotary foreign exchange student from France, came to live with us. Abby and Julie got along well and there was lots of commotion and activity. One month of waiting to work turned into two and two months turned into six. I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, I just knew it was time for a new direction.

As strange as it is for us, this year we never used our passports or even went on an airplane. We did head to San Francisco for a few days, and we spent a few more in Ashland, Oregon, registering Abby for college. Julie joined us in all our family outings, except when she had Rotary events which included a trip to Hawaii (she did take a plane somewhere).

I enjoyed Tahoe in ways I had not done since I was a child. I hiked and went to the beach, I hung out with friends and stayed up late. I got fewer and fewer phone calls and fewer and fewer emails. I started to feel free.

I met with a career counselor, worked on my resume, and applied for jobs. Nothing felt right, and nothing came. By serendipity, I met the owner of a language immersion school. I started teaching English part-time to (mostly) Latin American business people. It was more fulfilling than I could have imagined but the pay was teacher’s pay, not something I could actually live on. We talked about a partnership. The timing, and the commitment, didn’t fit – just teaching was enough for me, for now.

Julie left for France, Abby turned 18, and job offers started to come in. Then, the unexpected happened. On August 28th, after losing a battle with what we thought was a big bout with the stomach flu, I took my husband David to the emergency room. Perhaps it was a gall bladder attack? No, it was cancer. Stage 4. We were knocked to the floor. “Get your affairs in order, you have two months.”

Trying to get second opinions, trying to get into trials, trying to understand the system, all those things took time and energy. Most second opinion appointments were at least a month away, some of them longer. It seemed like half a lifetime. A blessing came in the form of one of our friends, Jamie Winter, as the attorney for Hometown Health, she was able to get us an appointment in a week with one of the oncologists at Renown in Reno. Dr. Mocherla was the right fit. She spent three hours with us the first day, asking questions and explaining David’s particular cancer in detail. When David asked her how much time he had she said “I am just a doctor, only God knows how much time you have.” Treatment began.

With the first diagnosis, Abby had postponed college but our new doctor urged her to go – she went. Having Abby in college gave David hope and the desire to fight. Our life became a litany of hospitals, surgeries, infusion services, and doctor appointments. Two steps forward and one step back. Food, normally a fountain of joy, became a burden.

Our community supported us fully. Dave and Katie Colarchik created a fundraiser, both on-line and at the Hacienda here in Incline Village. My brokers, Chris and Patti Plastiras came on board, too. Businesses contributed gifts for raffles, friends and acquaintances came, people from my career, from our childhoods, from David’s walks, Abby’s school friends, and from every part of our lives. We met the goal within 15 minutes and gifts continued to pour in. Enough money was raised to pay the balance of the household bills for 2013, all the medical bills for 2013, and get us through January of 2014. We are eternally grateful. Every time I think about it, I cry.

We had the chance to head to Ashland for a few days and see Abby at school, meet her friends, and spend time walking in the park. It was nice to be a part of her new life. For a few days we were not a cancer patient and a caregiver, we were parents of a college girl – our favorite role.

For Thanksgiving we had a house full, David’s family as well as my mom joined David, Abby and I in celebration. We have a lot to celebrate. David’s health has improved. The tumors are shrinking, our doctor can tell by exam, and she has ordered scans for January.

Christmas was quiet, just the three of us. David had chemo a few days before and was going through side effects and Abby had a cold, but we enjoyed each other. I didn’t take pictures of us opening stockings or presents, I was just present in each moment as it was given to me.

I look forward to the New Year, to David’s renewed health, to a new career, and to watching and hearing about Abby’s journey.